With little encouragement and even less purpose, I’ve jotted down a few more things that tended to bother me throughout 2010:
Teenagers in customer service roles. If you own a store or fast food place, please don’t put a teenager at your register – if that’s all you have on the schedule that day, just close the store. Because teenagers, when they bother to look at you at all, look at you like you’re interrupting an important text, their mouths slightly ajar as they glance at your sweater with a look that says, "Like, my grandma has that same one okay?" Then, because they don’t think to acknowledge the purchase, I fill the void by saying, "Thank you," which of course is not the way that exchange should go. And I really don’t know what to say when they respond, "No problem."
Reality shows. Reality TV is my dirty little secret. I’m engrossed by it, especially the gory medical mystery stuff – the bigger the yuck, the better. But even I can see how this genre is swirling quickly down the toilet. Hugh Hefner’s skeezy ex-girlfriend has a show – clearly we’ve reached the limit on how interesting this type of programming can be and need to go back to gritty cop dramas and laugh-tracked sitcoms.
Speaking of reality...Keeping Up With Kardashians. I must be missing part of their fascinating story – they can’t possibly be making millions just because they’re tan and live in L.A., could they? Other than Bruce Jenner, what has/can any of them actually done/do? If they can be on TV, so could we, dammit. Let’s all get together and pitch this thing to some networks – we’ll call it Pet Peeves and they can follow us around listening to us bitch about stuff that doesn’t matter.
Fewer/less. "Fewer" should only apply to things you can count, like saucepans; "less" is typically for things you can’t count, like steam ("Fewer saucepans create less steam"). So saying, "There were far less people at my party than last year" is both sad AND incorrect. It’d be even sadder if you had fewer people drinking less.
Food packaging photography. Rarely does what’s inside cook up to look anything like what’s shown on the outside. It’s hard on the already-fragile esteem of bad cooks to first have to open a box, add water and call it dinner, then have it turn out runnier, grayer and with about half as much meat as the box says it will.
Books on billboards. And by that I mean billboards that feature two logos, a couple phone numbers, a web address, a quote, today’s soup special, weekly hours of operation, detailed directions, the owner’s name and three faded photos. How slow do they think we’re driving? I’m just mad because I loathe billboards in general, ridiculous amounts of copy or not.
Bad naming strategies. Bad names usually fall into one of two categories: Corny (often confused with Cutesy) or We Named It Over Drinks One Night. Corny is Kalico Kabinets, it’s calling your business Thoughtful Remembrances (both corny and without any chance of being remembered), and it’s names with "Lil’", "Shoppe" or "Olde" involved somehow. We Named It Over Drinks One Night Is giving your business a name that has to be spelled every damn time you say it, as in Detailz Auto, Germz B Gone or Econo-Me Recycling.
Well, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or whatever makes you most comfortable. I truly wish you all the best in 2011 – a little joy, some peace and plenty of prosperity.
